Strange Days Indeed Pt. 1

Some reflections on life in these strange new times from someone who's lived through a few of her own

Note: These are my thoughts and feelings; this is my experience. Take what you like and leave the rest. I mean no judgment on you or your religious or spiritual beliefs. This is just what works for me.

Everything old is new again.

In 1929, my grandmother was a 25-year-old single mother of a two-year-old boy. She already had eleven years experience under her belt working for what was then Bell Telephone, having graduated 8th grade and lied about her age to get the job. She was also the sole breadwinner in a house that included both her parents, her sister and brother-in-law. 

Welcome to the Great Depression.

Between that and the two World Wars, life took a devastating toll on people physically, mentally and spiritually. But, through sheer grit, determination and belief that things would get better, they survived and thrived. But not without tremendous loss.

"Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" was the mantra of the era. Although my family fared better than most (relatively speaking), like all Baby Boomers, I was raised on their stories, practices and stoicism: patch clothes and hand them down, darn socks, clean your plate, don't waste anything—and say your prayers!

Until the day that old age finally claimed their minds, both my grandparents were devoted Catholics. They scheduled time every day for prayers. They visited religious sites. There were religious statues, images and prayer books around the house. And after church we had to rinse our mouths with water so no traces of the Eucharist remained before we ate breakfast. It was serious stuff.

As a child, I had no choice but to comply. But as I got older, I eventually rejected organized religion. Although I've always believed there is a power greater than all of us somewhere, I never bought into the whole concept of one religion having the market cornered on salvation. I knew there was something else out there, something that made more sense. I just didn't know where. I would soon learn that it was hiding inside me all the time.

They say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Well, mine appeared when I turned 25 and walked into my first Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) meeting. That program saved me in more ways than I can write here. Since then, my search for the meaning of life has led me through many twists and turns. Like my grandparents, my house is full of books and meaningful art and objects that reflect my spiritual beliefs. Like them, I am committed to this journey. But, unlike organized religions, I have been given no magic answers or false promises. All I can say is that the more I know about this infinite universe, the more I don't know. And I'm okay with that.

Which leads me to this, written by American Buddhist Nun, Pema Chodron*: 

A [spiritual warrior] accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure. It's also what makes us afraid. 

So, how do we be unafraid in yet another time of huge uncertainty? Well, as Chodron says, 

[Warrior] training offers no promise of happy endings. Rather, this 'I' who wants to find security—who wants something to hold onto—will finally learn to grow up. 

If we find ourselves in doubt that we're up to being a warrior-in-training, we can contemplate this question: 'Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?'

No one knows exactly how long this pandemic will last, nor do we know whether we'll come down with it or be hit by a car. So, how do we deal with this huge uncertainty? Believe me, I have had some serious moments of anxiety and fear! If you follow me on social media, you know full-well. But all those worries and fears don't have to define my life 24/7. I have tools to get me down off the ceiling. 

I start with focusing on where I am right now. This moment is all I have. I don't have 10 minutes from now any more than I have last Tuesday. Yes, there's a pretty good chance that I will have 10 minutes from now, but my point is that the present moment is all I ever have so I might as well pay attention to it. 

So, what's going on for you right now? Take a moment to check in. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste or touch? How does your body feel? Are you tense, muscles clenched? Where is that stress? What part of your body? Are your thoughts racing toward a future you are only imagining? 

If so, remember, you have the power to change all of that. The most immediate way I've found is to just breathe. I can get an asthma attack pretty easily from anxiety. It's my body's way of telling me to calm down. So, I stop what I'm doing, close my eyes and take 10 slow, calming breaths. I focus on that breath and try to let go of everything else. If thoughts invade (and they most certainly will), I let them float away and go back to focusing on my breath. I repeat that 10-breath cycle until I feel calm. Sometimes that just doesn't work. When that happens, I rely on modern medicine. Hey, I'm not a glutton for punishment! And breathing is kind of important. "Better living through pharmacology", I say. I also do the breathing every morning when I wake up, only I do 10 cycles of 10 breaths—100 breaths total. 

Chodron continues:

Acknowledging what we're thinking and letting it go is the key to touching in with the wealth of bodhichitta, the awakened heart of loving-kindess and compassion. With all the messy stuff, no matter how messy it is, just start where you are—not tomorrow, not later, not yesterday when you were feeling better—but now. Start now, just as you are.

We are all in this together. As we've seen, COVID-19 affects the young and old, rich and poor, famous and not so famous. All of us are potential victims, but we don't have to be victims. 

Whether it's a pandemic, natural disaster war or famine, or the everyday vagaries of life, the one thing we can count on is that life will come at us again—hard. And we may suffer tremendous loss. We can either become angry, fearful and bitter, or we can be like our grandparents and great grandparents and call on those reserves of inner strength that got them through the darkest days of the 20th Century. We can also protect our hearts from fear and anxiety. We can look for the happiness and joy in life. We can help and support each other because all of us are deserving of love and compassion, and all of us have the ability to give it. As we stand at the threshold of Holy Week, remember the great universal law: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." 

* The quotes by Pema Chodron are from her book, Comfortable With Uncertainty. You can order it by clicking on this link: